Step by Step - A Cover-up (part 2)

Wow, you would not BELIEVE the technological issues we've had as of late! Here's the scoop:



- John decides to update his desktop PC and splurges on a new motherboard, cpu and second disk drive
- Can't get the computer to start up, spends hours trying to fix it. The perfectly functional CD burner turns out to be incompatable. Has to buy a new one. Eventually decides the motherboard requires a brand new OS. Installs Windows7 and everything is fine. Or so we thought.
- I realize I can't use my scanner (!!!!!) because Canoscan8400F doesn't work on Windows 7 despite being "compatible". Jerk.
- I go nuts trying to force it to work. Find a bit of success finally finding a useful driver online.
- We spend hours troubleshooting, searching to absolutely no success. Find plenty of scanners on ebay because everyone else has given up already.



- Discover Virtual Machine which, get this: creates a second "computer" on the computer so that it can run a different OS. It's like... having two computers in one! It's adorable! And insane! But the solution to my problem is downgrading to a version of Windows that isn't an asshole.

Well guess what, it freaking worked. In your face, windows 7! hahahahahahahaha! I BEAT YOU.

So now if I want to scan something, I have to "start up" my second "virtual computer" and use it there and save files into a shared folder, but it's significantly better than buying a new scanner all because Canon doesn't feel like updating their crap.



*Deep breath*



But now it's 11pm and all I've got to show for all of those hours is a low-res scan. I will have to install photo editing software onto the virtual computer which is only a bit of a drag, but then I'll actually be able to get 300dpi images.

MsPaint just... it just doesn't get the job done.

Journal Post 4/2/12

Just passing through today; I haven't done much of anything creative at all. I had my driving test this afternoon and I was so anxious I just couldn't focus on anything else. I'm actually pretty bummed out today because I failed the driving test. I would have forgiven it for stealing an entire day from me if something good had come of it, but there was none.



Sigh.



Apart from being drained emotionally (and financially), I was going through some of my old paintings that drive me crazy (because they're big and annoying) and probably less than half of them bit the dust today :3

The other half... I like them but hate having them. And they're not all in particularly fantastic condition after moving house twice. And some of them are on giant boards instead of canvas. But yeah. What will I do with these? I might post pics of some of them. I totally wouldn't mind doing a video with the colour theory portfolio because it's my favourite thing!

But for today I will be incredibly sad. I mean, it's not a bad situation or anything, but I just wish the testing instructor I got paired up with was even remotely friendly at all. Like. AT ALL. :(

Rain Cloud

I'm not sure about this one. But it's been so long since I've gotten my hands dirty that I have to accept this cloud with open arms. *Cartman voice* He's just a boy.

The truth is (and this could be useful information to the world), I forced myself to paint this for submission to UPPERCASE magazine... which is exactly why I am unsure of it as I doubt that they would appreciate this.

But I sent it anyway. Because I don't know what is going on behind the scenes. It's a fairly popular-sounding mag, so there are probably going to be plenty of submissions for them to choose from, but I don't know that for sure.

It is the same philosophy that artists use to apply for grants. Even if it's for a tiny amount of money, apply for it! Because everyone else is already looking at it thinking "oh it's so little, what's the point of all that work", that you could be the ONLY person applying and thus, win by default. I'm pretty sure I won a scholarship that way.

Same goes for job applications. Most of them have those heavy requirements up there to scare away fairweather applicants. Maybe no one has those requirements. Maybe you will be the only one to even try for it.



I'm writing this way because I hear negative sentiments even from my most favourite online art stars.

"...That's why I closed my etsy shop... I'm so scared of failing again in that respect, I won't even try."

Not trying is the only way to guarantee failure. I think it hurts me, not only to see my favourite people feel that way, but also the message it conveys. Especially if they are actually somewhat successful in their trials. What does that say for me? I don't have nearly as large a fan base or as many regular publications or my own stamp line. Does this mean I should be giving up?



Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I do this because I enjoy it. If I was blogging for the sake of comments I would have given up ten years ago. If I was on etsy for the sales alone, I wouldn't have even stuck around long enough for the first one. That certainly puts things in perspective for me. That there could be another version of me somewhere that does nothing creative and just washes dishes and watch tv all day.

*shudder*

Heck, I would rather be a spectacular failure than someone who never tried anything ever. I have rejection letters from times I sent out terrible manuscripts to agents and publishers back in the day.

I actually really love those rejection letters. Go figure.